Clyde...

Clyde's birthday is coming up. It's been six years since I've seen him and I can't NOT see him anymore. I'm his Bonnie, and have been from the first time we talked. Some things never change, right?

I got a deep root cleaning on the left side of my mouth. My hygenist used Novacaine and Nitrous. That is like being numb and drunk but not sleepy. For a split-second I don't know where I was, and I saw this leather binder that looked familiar. It was about 24 inches long and 16 inches high with a burgundy leather binder and a cloudlike design with gold on it and a faded image of a woman's profile, whom I assume is me. I think I saw God's binder for me. Is it my "Book of Life" that I've read about? I've seen it before, but never open. I wonder what that means.

My face felt so distorted afterward, I felt like a Picasso and sounded "thtupid" trying to talk. I went to Starbucks afterward and had to suck the straw with the right side of my mouth. I couldn't pucker my lips to suck! Ha ha!

Last night Clyde and I texted each other for about an hour. He doesn't call me, maybe because we talk and just don't seem to get our shit together and see each other. Our first night together was so dead-on perfect we should have run with it. The first time he kissed me was the best kiss I have ever experienced in my life! My two girlfriends and I were waiting outside a nightclub for a private party and I had invited Clyde. I see him and his friend turn the corner and walk down the street toward us. He looks just like David Duchovny. EXACTLY - and yes, he is HOT. He and his friend are both wearing suits. Clyde is wearing khaki dress pants, a white shirt with cufflinks and the top two buttons undone, and a navy blazer with gold buttons. As he is getting closer, our eyes lock. He finally reaches me, puts his left hand behind my neck, his right arm around my waist, and pulls me to him. He kisses me passionately and I felt like only he and I were in existence at that very moment. It was movie perfect, and I remember my friends looking at me afterward like, "who the hell is this guy?". Later that evening, we went to his Suburban to be alone (we couldn't leave his friend stranded) and had the best makeout session. I think we knew then, like we know now, that our lives would have changed as of that moment. I don't know why, but I never saw him again, although we talked many times after. He did ask me to go up to LA numerous times, but I didn't. Now it's too late. The moment is long gone and I am not the same woman anymore.  He's a true Alpha male and frankly, although he is gorgeous, intelligent, and wealthy, he is not the type to ever marry, and will probably never be monogamous. How do I know this? I found out he is in a relationship with someone that he says he will be with "long term", yet never marry. But, he keeps asking to see me, wanting to take me to a four star restaurant and expensive hotel and spend the night experiencing what we should have six years ago. It's never going to happen. I stopped answering his texts, and he has finally stopped. I will always remember that night, though, and wonder what would have happened. For someone who's motto is "live with no regrets", that is one of many.