I have to balance my last blog with something less abrasive. I do not intend for this to be my political platform. This is simply my space for my thoughts and emotions.
Everyday I think of my sister, Daniella, but it still is a lot to wrap my arms around and accept. So I sometimes escape and pretend I simply need to call her and then pretend to be putting it off another day. This helps. It puts me in denial because I think she is at work, or at home with her pets, or at the lake. Truth is, she's in a dark box with her Prada bag at her side. Truth is, she is probably right here, reading this, maybe sitting next to me and hugging me.
I am not at peace with my Sister being gone. I wish it had been me. She had more to live for. It's just not fair and I wish God would make my purpose known. I obviously am not good at figuring it out. Can't You just be clear on what You want from me?
Thoughts of my sister make me think of others who have gone or may be ill, or I may reminisce on the past randomly. Lately, I've been thinking a lot about my friend's Dad. He's had diabetes for quite some time, but he has not been taking care of himself at all. He is now on dialysis and I hear he needs to have one leg and some toes removed. Because his circulation is bad, it can't be done, or else the wounds won't heal. If it's not done, he can get a deadly infection.
It just saddens me to hear L tell me all this. She knows her Dad is now on borrowed time. I miss being a kid. I miss seeing her Dad J, tall, slim, with his handlebar moustache, holding a beer and wearing a smile. I remember him asking me anything at all and seeing him smile, visibly ready to ask another question or crack a joke. I remember the Farah poster he had on the door to storage in back of the house. She says he's always angry now and doesn't want to see anyone. I know that when she calls me to break the news, I will rush home and be at her side. L is like a sister to me. I will be one of her few friends who will be able to to make her laugh after his funeral as we reminisce about J and his antics.
My emotions are more in balance now, no longer angry and fired up. I am mournful and melancholy, but these are emotions that I know well how to reign.
Thursday, April 29, 2010
Arizona
So someone on Facebook put a totally bullshit post on her page about the new Illegal Immigration bill in Arizona today. She had the audacity to compare this to Nazi Germany and even said she is a history buff. Perhaps, but not an EDUCATED history buff.
No additional identification needs to be carried by illegals than what is currently required. The required documentation has been the same since 1940. Further, one will not be asked their status unless a crime is involved. In other words, if they abide by our laws, they are safe. The only difference now is that if you are an Illegal and commit a crime, ICE will be called in and you may be hauled back "home" rather than suck up our tax dollars in jail!! Law enforcement is not going to stop people to ask for their resident status. READ THE FUCKING BILL, DUMB FUCK!!!!
The Jews in Nazi Germany were systematically targeted for extermination by Adolf Hitler. All Jews were sent to the Ghetto and eventually (and tragically), Concentration Camps. They were not sent back to Jerusalem. They were killed!! See the difference?? There is simply no comparison. Our country is made up of immigrants from all nations and ethnicities. If you want to talk about Mexicans, how many are in Office? Are they being removed from office? Oh HELL no! Again, comparing this to Nazi Germany is just idiotic and a desperate reach from the far Left. Tell me again how Arizona is like Nazi Germany!
I refuse to call Illegals, "Undocumented". If you did not follow the legal procedures to be here, then you are here illegally. You have committed a felony. Period.
Quite simply, I don't see the big deal over the Arizona bill. Perhaps because I am American and a law-abiding citizen. I do not see it as racist. I see us sick and fucking tired of Congress playing with their pussies on this and finally taking an extra measure to protect our country. I truly hope other states follow Arizona.
I am sorry if you have to find a way to support your family. Get a work Visa. There are legal ways to become American. My Grandfather knew the Preamble to the Constitution. Do you? Probably not. And no, you cannot say it in Spanish, German, Chinese, or any other language except ENGLISH!
No additional identification needs to be carried by illegals than what is currently required. The required documentation has been the same since 1940. Further, one will not be asked their status unless a crime is involved. In other words, if they abide by our laws, they are safe. The only difference now is that if you are an Illegal and commit a crime, ICE will be called in and you may be hauled back "home" rather than suck up our tax dollars in jail!! Law enforcement is not going to stop people to ask for their resident status. READ THE FUCKING BILL, DUMB FUCK!!!!
The Jews in Nazi Germany were systematically targeted for extermination by Adolf Hitler. All Jews were sent to the Ghetto and eventually (and tragically), Concentration Camps. They were not sent back to Jerusalem. They were killed!! See the difference?? There is simply no comparison. Our country is made up of immigrants from all nations and ethnicities. If you want to talk about Mexicans, how many are in Office? Are they being removed from office? Oh HELL no! Again, comparing this to Nazi Germany is just idiotic and a desperate reach from the far Left. Tell me again how Arizona is like Nazi Germany!
I refuse to call Illegals, "Undocumented". If you did not follow the legal procedures to be here, then you are here illegally. You have committed a felony. Period.
Quite simply, I don't see the big deal over the Arizona bill. Perhaps because I am American and a law-abiding citizen. I do not see it as racist. I see us sick and fucking tired of Congress playing with their pussies on this and finally taking an extra measure to protect our country. I truly hope other states follow Arizona.
I am sorry if you have to find a way to support your family. Get a work Visa. There are legal ways to become American. My Grandfather knew the Preamble to the Constitution. Do you? Probably not. And no, you cannot say it in Spanish, German, Chinese, or any other language except ENGLISH!
Clyde...
Clyde's birthday is coming up. It's been six years since I've seen him and I can't NOT see him anymore. I'm his Bonnie, and have been from the first time we talked. Some things never change, right?
I got a deep root cleaning on the left side of my mouth. My hygenist used Novacaine and Nitrous. That is like being numb and drunk but not sleepy. For a split-second I don't know where I was, and I saw this leather binder that looked familiar. It was about 24 inches long and 16 inches high with a burgundy leather binder and a cloudlike design with gold on it and a faded image of a woman's profile, whom I assume is me. I think I saw God's binder for me. Is it my "Book of Life" that I've read about? I've seen it before, but never open. I wonder what that means.
My face felt so distorted afterward, I felt like a Picasso and sounded "thtupid" trying to talk. I went to Starbucks afterward and had to suck the straw with the right side of my mouth. I couldn't pucker my lips to suck! Ha ha!
Last night Clyde and I texted each other for about an hour. He doesn't call me, maybe because we talk and just don't seem to get our shit together and see each other. Our first night together was so dead-on perfect we should have run with it. The first time he kissed me was the best kiss I have ever experienced in my life! My two girlfriends and I were waiting outside a nightclub for a private party and I had invited Clyde. I see him and his friend turn the corner and walk down the street toward us. He looks just like David Duchovny. EXACTLY - and yes, he is HOT. He and his friend are both wearing suits. Clyde is wearing khaki dress pants, a white shirt with cufflinks and the top two buttons undone, and a navy blazer with gold buttons. As he is getting closer, our eyes lock. He finally reaches me, puts his left hand behind my neck, his right arm around my waist, and pulls me to him. He kisses me passionately and I felt like only he and I were in existence at that very moment. It was movie perfect, and I remember my friends looking at me afterward like, "who the hell is this guy?". Later that evening, we went to his Suburban to be alone (we couldn't leave his friend stranded) and had the best makeout session. I think we knew then, like we know now, that our lives would have changed as of that moment. I don't know why, but I never saw him again, although we talked many times after. He did ask me to go up to LA numerous times, but I didn't. Now it's too late. The moment is long gone and I am not the same woman anymore. He's a true Alpha male and frankly, although he is gorgeous, intelligent, and wealthy, he is not the type to ever marry, and will probably never be monogamous. How do I know this? I found out he is in a relationship with someone that he says he will be with "long term", yet never marry. But, he keeps asking to see me, wanting to take me to a four star restaurant and expensive hotel and spend the night experiencing what we should have six years ago. It's never going to happen. I stopped answering his texts, and he has finally stopped. I will always remember that night, though, and wonder what would have happened. For someone who's motto is "live with no regrets", that is one of many.
I got a deep root cleaning on the left side of my mouth. My hygenist used Novacaine and Nitrous. That is like being numb and drunk but not sleepy. For a split-second I don't know where I was, and I saw this leather binder that looked familiar. It was about 24 inches long and 16 inches high with a burgundy leather binder and a cloudlike design with gold on it and a faded image of a woman's profile, whom I assume is me. I think I saw God's binder for me. Is it my "Book of Life" that I've read about? I've seen it before, but never open. I wonder what that means.
My face felt so distorted afterward, I felt like a Picasso and sounded "thtupid" trying to talk. I went to Starbucks afterward and had to suck the straw with the right side of my mouth. I couldn't pucker my lips to suck! Ha ha!
Last night Clyde and I texted each other for about an hour. He doesn't call me, maybe because we talk and just don't seem to get our shit together and see each other. Our first night together was so dead-on perfect we should have run with it. The first time he kissed me was the best kiss I have ever experienced in my life! My two girlfriends and I were waiting outside a nightclub for a private party and I had invited Clyde. I see him and his friend turn the corner and walk down the street toward us. He looks just like David Duchovny. EXACTLY - and yes, he is HOT. He and his friend are both wearing suits. Clyde is wearing khaki dress pants, a white shirt with cufflinks and the top two buttons undone, and a navy blazer with gold buttons. As he is getting closer, our eyes lock. He finally reaches me, puts his left hand behind my neck, his right arm around my waist, and pulls me to him. He kisses me passionately and I felt like only he and I were in existence at that very moment. It was movie perfect, and I remember my friends looking at me afterward like, "who the hell is this guy?". Later that evening, we went to his Suburban to be alone (we couldn't leave his friend stranded) and had the best makeout session. I think we knew then, like we know now, that our lives would have changed as of that moment. I don't know why, but I never saw him again, although we talked many times after. He did ask me to go up to LA numerous times, but I didn't. Now it's too late. The moment is long gone and I am not the same woman anymore. He's a true Alpha male and frankly, although he is gorgeous, intelligent, and wealthy, he is not the type to ever marry, and will probably never be monogamous. How do I know this? I found out he is in a relationship with someone that he says he will be with "long term", yet never marry. But, he keeps asking to see me, wanting to take me to a four star restaurant and expensive hotel and spend the night experiencing what we should have six years ago. It's never going to happen. I stopped answering his texts, and he has finally stopped. I will always remember that night, though, and wonder what would have happened. For someone who's motto is "live with no regrets", that is one of many.
Wednesday, April 28, 2010
Wednesday
Today is Wednesday. The day "Soloman Grundy" got married, and according to "Winnie the Pooh and the Blustery Day", disagreeable weather occurs on "Winds-day". Wednesday is also the nickname my friend Melissa gives our dispositions as teenagers -- Wednesday Adams. Nice.
I woke up around 4 a.m. feeling little pains in my tummy and having to take a piss. Sammy had gotten out of his cage and was under my bed making noises and I hoped he hadn't been munching on my Crocs under there. When I sat up, I felt Sammy's nose against my toes, and I reached down to feel that his ears were cold.
He didn't run from me, which told me he wanted me to pet him, so I scooped him up and put him on my bed while I went to the pisser. When I got back, I put him on my pillow and Sammy snuggled next to me for about an hour so he could get warm. Bunnies are very sociable, so he made sure to let me know he wanted my hand on the top of his head. He does this by either burrowing his head under my hand, or giving a gentle, but painful nibble with those front inscisors.
I thought about my sister today, but not a day goes by that I don't. My sister Daniella died on July 4, 2009 of a brain aneurysm at the age of 36. Independence Day has a different meaning for me now. This to me is my sister's birthday in Heaven, and her independence from this life. Afterall, is this life not in a sense a temporary incarceration from Heaven? I'm not hating on life, I must have this perspective to always keep in mind that my sister is "in a better place".
Independence Day. My sister now has a national holiday; let me explain. I've always been about correlating birthdays, anniversaries, and deaths with holidays, or historic events. My birthday, June 6 is D-Day, which is the day in 1944 that the Allied troops launched Operation Neptune, or more commonly known as the Normandy Invasion during WWII. My Dad's birthday is November 11, Veteran's Day, and my parents' anniversary is December 7, Pearl Harbor Day, which puts my Mom in my National Holiday Circle by default. Although Daniella got married on Valentine's Day, it doesn't count because it's not attributed to any US battles. Get my thought process here? Independence Day. Wow, Sis, you picked quite a day. The day after Jim Morrison's anniversary, and the day before Mina's. 7-4-09. In numerology, this comes to number 2. God ordered Noah to put two of each animal on the Arc. Two sisters, now one. Two, my second blog post...
I woke up around 4 a.m. feeling little pains in my tummy and having to take a piss. Sammy had gotten out of his cage and was under my bed making noises and I hoped he hadn't been munching on my Crocs under there. When I sat up, I felt Sammy's nose against my toes, and I reached down to feel that his ears were cold.
He didn't run from me, which told me he wanted me to pet him, so I scooped him up and put him on my bed while I went to the pisser. When I got back, I put him on my pillow and Sammy snuggled next to me for about an hour so he could get warm. Bunnies are very sociable, so he made sure to let me know he wanted my hand on the top of his head. He does this by either burrowing his head under my hand, or giving a gentle, but painful nibble with those front inscisors.
I thought about my sister today, but not a day goes by that I don't. My sister Daniella died on July 4, 2009 of a brain aneurysm at the age of 36. Independence Day has a different meaning for me now. This to me is my sister's birthday in Heaven, and her independence from this life. Afterall, is this life not in a sense a temporary incarceration from Heaven? I'm not hating on life, I must have this perspective to always keep in mind that my sister is "in a better place".
Independence Day. My sister now has a national holiday; let me explain. I've always been about correlating birthdays, anniversaries, and deaths with holidays, or historic events. My birthday, June 6 is D-Day, which is the day in 1944 that the Allied troops launched Operation Neptune, or more commonly known as the Normandy Invasion during WWII. My Dad's birthday is November 11, Veteran's Day, and my parents' anniversary is December 7, Pearl Harbor Day, which puts my Mom in my National Holiday Circle by default. Although Daniella got married on Valentine's Day, it doesn't count because it's not attributed to any US battles. Get my thought process here? Independence Day. Wow, Sis, you picked quite a day. The day after Jim Morrison's anniversary, and the day before Mina's. 7-4-09. In numerology, this comes to number 2. God ordered Noah to put two of each animal on the Arc. Two sisters, now one. Two, my second blog post...
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