Esperanza

Esperanza is my Catholic Confirmation name, which is Spanish for Hope, and that is something I am putting into this new medication -- and that God agrees with me on it.

I got in touch with my cousin, Chem, today. Yes, it's pronounced like it's spelled, not "kem" like some sci-fi killer doctor. We were discussing the family, and I told her how my Dad has an even stronger sense of loyalty to my Mom's side of the family after my sister's death. My cousins Cindy, Francisco, his wife, and my Tia Nicky (on my Mom's side) either flew in or drove 5-6 hours just to attend my sister's funeral. The whole time I was in Arlington I don't recall my Dad's phone ringing with HIS side asking about my sister as she lay in a coma, or checking on Dad after she'd died. Then again, I wasn't paying attention to much, but I am a little pissed about that. Okay, as my therapist would say, I'm hurt, but that I use anger as a defense. What's the difference? Hurt, pissed, these are feelings that I've mastered at suppressing or resolving on my own. Besides, I get motivated to act when I'm angry. Sadness is for wimps and doesn't accomplish anything but self-pity and crying. Somewhere in my subconscious is a boneyard full of gnarliness and mournful, angry spirits waiting to arise. I'll bookmark this and revisit later. For now, I'll supress it.

Didja get that, Chris?